May 13, 2007

Mommy & Me

As she was driving me to the Sarasota airport last month, just before dawn, she told me how hard it is, missing me. "I'm happy for you," she told me, "I'm happy for your life." But she said that she misses me terribly and that when we're together for a few days - as we were in Florida - she remembers just how much.

I feel that way too when we're together. I forget that I don't see her every day; that we live more than 500 miles apart. I get used to talking to her, seeing her, saying good night to her before I go to sleep. It's one of the greatest things about being single - the fact that I can still belong to her in the way that I do. I know that will change when I get married; it's good for that to change. When my cousin got engaged this winter, though her mother was overjoyed and thrilled, there were still tears. "Will you still come and crawl in bed with me in the mornings when you spend the night here?" she asked her. But it's still sad to think about. For so many years it was just the two of us, in that four-bedroom home that used to house a family. For so many years, she was my first phone call when something happened, good or bad. It's an adjustment now that it's changed.

He could have chosen anyone to be my mother; given me anyone as a parent. But He chose her and it's not a hyperbole to say that I am eternally grateful.

His first Sunday back at Bethlehem Baptist after the death of his father, Dr. John Piper said that we often view our children as gifts, when it's often true that it's the opposite. It's our parents who are the gift.

I carry you in my heart, she told me. I carry you. In my heart.

Posted by hannah at 06:43 PM