February 25, 2007
I'm a Good Dog
There is a Pedigree dog food commercial that shows images of dogs in cages or behind bars in shelters. David Duchovney gives a voice to the dogs and verbalizes their thoughts. They say, I know how to sit. I know how to roll over. I know to stay. They say, I don't know why I'm in the clink, but I do know that I'm good dogs and I just want to go home.
Every time I see it, my eyes fill with tears. Pedigree says that for every bag of dog food they sell, they donate a percentage to help every dog find a forever home. They have adoption information on their website and you can search for a dog or a shelter in your area.
I know they're trying to tug on my heart strings so that I'll switch dog food, but they do a pretty amazing job! As I sit here tonight on my couch, my two shelter dogs curled up next to me, I'm so grateful for them. Whatever I gave to them - a home, a family, food, security - they've given back to me 100 fold in companionship and love.
A home isn't a home without the love of a dog. I never want it any other way.
Posted by hannah at 08:05 PM
February 23, 2007
Lucky Shot
I got my new camera this week and while I really don't know how to use it, I'm having fun learning. And sometimes I get a lucky shot.
Posted by hannah at 08:45 PM
February 22, 2007
Ten
I somehow managed to lose 10 pounds since Halloween, which means I survived the Single Girl's Trifecta of Misery* (Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day) showing an actual loss. If I knew how, I'd make a million dollars.
*TM my friend Mary D. I don't really buy into that notion, but it's still funny.
Posted by hannah at 04:40 PM
Signs
Two ways to tell you might be having a bad day:
1. You wake up to a retching sound, made by the dog sleeping closest to your head.
2. You decide to get a Chick-fil-a biscuit because you are just that hungry, but you are so engrossed in conversation with your friend that you make it all the way back to your office before you realize that while you got your change and a handful of napkins, you do not, in fact, have a biscuit.
Posted by hannah at 09:29 AM
February 17, 2007
Rebel With a Lens
I ordered my new camera on Friday, and I can't stop checking the tracking on FedEx to see where it is. Since Monday is a holiday, I don't expect it till mid-week at the earliest. (Which kind of stinks, as there is a big function on Tuesday night that would be a perfect place to practice using it.) I feel really good about the deal I got - a package that included a 1 GB card, a case and some other goodies - and I still have enough left over from my tax return to be responsible with the rest of it.
And y'all thought I took a lot of pictures before. . . .
Posted by hannah at 04:16 PM
February 16, 2007
Love Him
I've been thinking a lot about love lately - not too surprising the week of Valentine's Day - and I've been trying to piece together what I wanted to say in my head. Unfortunately, I get the most inspired when I'm driving - exactly when I can't do anything about it, as I have no way of transcribing my thoughts as I hurtle down the Connector.
Today I checked my new favorite blog on Worship.com to find today's entry basically said what I wanted to say anyway.
I love love. I get sucked into love stories and movies and Hallmark commercials - like a lot of women - and it gives me a thrill to see couples who really seem to Get It; who view their marriages as a gift to fight for and be grateful for with every breath. Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance were on Oprah's Valentine's show and after seeing them, I ordered their book "Friends: A Love Story." What struck me the most was when Courtney said that he gets the chance to see Angela, to love her, in a fraction of the way God loves her. I don't even know what it would be like to have a man to love me like that, but maybe someday I'll get to find out.
It's one of God's greatest gifts to us, I think, this ability and desire to bind ourselves to each other. It doesn't matter whether that binding takes the form of family, friendship or marriage; it's all miraculous.
Maybe someday I'll get married. Maybe I won't. But I no longer weep and wonder when it will be my turn to be loved, because I am overwhelmed by how much I already am. The greatest Love Story is the one we share with our Creator; the story He longs to tell to each of us. We long for relationships because we were created for one. We desire love because we were created to be in love with Him.
What else is there to say?
Posted by hannah at 04:17 PM
Chill
On a cold day like today, I just keep reminding myself that in two months, I will be here.
I've been lucky in my life to have swam in the waters of many oceans and seas, but there is no where I love as much as I love the Gulf; as much as I love Siesta Key.
Posted by hannah at 02:04 PM
February 09, 2007
Dirt Roads
Paint Creek Farm. 1945ish.
This photo aptly sums up my mom's early childhood - bare feet, dirt road, daddy in overalls, dirty from farming.
My PaPa was strong, powerful. Even when I knew him - years and years and years after he'd "retired" from farm life and moved into town - his hands were still rough and calloused. One of his thumbs was bent over and shorter than the other, from where he'd whacked it with a mallet or a hammer while building a fence. Another finger was missing at the knuckle, from what, I don't remember or never knew.
My cousin Ron - twenty of so years my senior - told me a story a few years ago of a hot summer night they spent making hay. The rain was coming in and PaPa kept pushing them to move faster. My cousin Ron, then just a teenager, wasn't working fast enough I guess, or was goofing around, and got a whack and a command to work harder. That PaPa was not my PaPa. He was 73 when I was born, and spent his days reading the paper, gardening, going to the bank, keeping his books. My memories of him are fewer, with more space in between them than most of my cousins. Being the youngest of 17 grandchildren, I missed out on a lot. But I have photos and I have their memories. And his blood is my blood.
Feb. 20 will mark the seventh anniversary of his death, and I can still hear my mother's wailing cries as if it just happened. She lost her daddy - the man who scooped her up as she ran down a dirt road to meet him after hot, Ohio days in the field.
Posted by hannah at 04:43 PM
February 02, 2007
"You're my beeeest frieeeend!"
Today I mailed in a signed receipt and dress order for a bridesmaid dress I'll wear in Melissa's March wedding. This will mark my fourth venture as a bridesmaid, and though I was thrilled to stand up for Teri, my brother and Sarah, there is something different about this wedding. Maybe it's because of our age - seeing your 31-year-old friend get married is different than watching your 25-year-old friend get married - or maybe it's because of the past Melissa and I share. Not all that long ago, we were Carrie and Charlotte, Rachel and Monica, J.D. and Turk - single best friends in the city, dating, "dating," and find our ways in the world.
Most of that story has been chronicled on this site - a record I am grateful for - and as we prepare to enter the next chapters of our lives (though my life will only change in so much as it's affected by the changing of hers), it's hard to not reminisce about all the days that have gone before.
Of all of my friends, Melissa is the only one whose road has been similar to my own. She is the only one who understands what it is like to be the only one not married, the only one not seen as a Real Adult because you're 27, 28, 29, 30 and unmarried. She is the only person in the world - literally in the entire world - who knows the deep depth and breadth of my sin. But she loves me just the same as she did the chilly Columbus night we became friends; the night I dared her to sing "Cool Rider" down High Street's sidewalk and she did it.
I will never forget the moment when we stood in the Columbus Vineyard many, many years ago now, and the worship music began and Melissa dropped into her seat next to me, knocked down by tears. I knew in that very second that her life would never be the same and I was right. I've known few people who love God out loud as much as she does. There is no embarrassment, no shame, no fear. She is just in LOVE with Him, and everyone who meets her can see it.
There were several times during Passion when I was completely humbled by her example. There's a guy who volunteers at and attends Buckhead and he's a high-functioning Autistic and often he's hard to interact with. I know people - good, honest, God-fearing, Christian people - who don't really know how to befriend him; how to love him. He was a fellow Touch Team volunteer during Passion, and Melissa was in his presence for 15 seconds before she'd befriended him. Later, I told her how much seeing that knocked me down, because here I'd been around him dozens of times and hadn't managed to connect with him the way she had in just a few moments. He works in Waumba land and he attended Labor Day Retreat and I'd had DOZENS of opportunities to become his friend, and I'd skirted every one, because I was uncomfortable. She smiled softly at me and said, "When I meet people like [him], I just get this vision in my heart of the way God sees him. God sees [him] as royalty."
When I look back on the road of my 20s I can now see - with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight - the way God used our friendship to capture both of our hearts for Him. I introduced her to a church experience and a way of seeing Jesus she'd never seen before, and she showed me what it can really look like to live a life in His will; what it looks like to be chained to Freedom.
We have spent many, many, many, MANY hours talking about relationships and men and love and what it would be like to be truly loved by a husband and it is awesome - awesome! - to see that come true for her. We've both had ample opportunities to settle; there have been men in both of our pasts who, according to the world's standards, were Perfect Husband Material. There have been men in both our pasts who we loved blindly, despite everyone - and I mean everyone - seeing how bad they were for us. "I didn't like who you were when you were with him," is something we have each said to the other, and it's further proof of the miracle of our friendship and the miracle of God's love for us that we escaped those relationships with our hearts in tact.
Sometimes you just love people with all your heart and the gift of their friendship alone is worth forever praising Him. Melissa is a gift, and as she prepares for this amazing adventure ahead of her, I feel blessed to stand on the side of the road to wish her well.
Posted by hannah at 10:44 AM
February 01, 2007
Five Pounds
I finally stepped on the scale today for the first time since early November, and I've actually lost a few pounds in the interim. I was hoping it would be lower, but hey, I'm not complaining.
Even though I've gained about 15 pounds since my lowest recorded back in April 2005, I was pleased when I realized I only weigh five pounds more than I did on February 3, 2005. (The weight tracker is the greatest thing about weightwatchers.com.) Early 2005 was when I felt the best - I was running regularly and I was buying smaller sizes and people were really noticing all my hard work. Mary Lee, Jenn and I went to Q100's Bitter Ball that year (a waste of time and money, I assure you), and it was one of the first times in my late 20s that I felt like not only did I fit in with the fit and trim of Atlanta's beautiful people, but that I was noticeable. That when people checked me out, they weren't wondering why that fat girl was infiltrating their world. I felt confident walking into JCrew knowing I could fit into anything there. It's stupid to measure your progress by such arbitrary markers, but I know I'm not alone in doing it.
Fast forward two years and it's an entirely different story. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and all my clothes are stupid - either ridiculously too big or just tight enough that I feel awful all day. I feel like a failure and like I'll always be just out of shape enough and just overweight enough that I'll never feel normal, and I think, all of this over FIVE pounds?!
Sometimes, when they say it's all in your head, they mean it.
Posted by hannah at 09:49 AM
