February 01, 2007

Five Pounds

I finally stepped on the scale today for the first time since early November, and I've actually lost a few pounds in the interim. I was hoping it would be lower, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Even though I've gained about 15 pounds since my lowest recorded back in April 2005, I was pleased when I realized I only weigh five pounds more than I did on February 3, 2005. (The weight tracker is the greatest thing about weightwatchers.com.) Early 2005 was when I felt the best - I was running regularly and I was buying smaller sizes and people were really noticing all my hard work. Mary Lee, Jenn and I went to Q100's Bitter Ball that year (a waste of time and money, I assure you), and it was one of the first times in my late 20s that I felt like not only did I fit in with the fit and trim of Atlanta's beautiful people, but that I was noticeable. That when people checked me out, they weren't wondering why that fat girl was infiltrating their world. I felt confident walking into JCrew knowing I could fit into anything there. It's stupid to measure your progress by such arbitrary markers, but I know I'm not alone in doing it.

Fast forward two years and it's an entirely different story. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and all my clothes are stupid - either ridiculously too big or just tight enough that I feel awful all day. I feel like a failure and like I'll always be just out of shape enough and just overweight enough that I'll never feel normal, and I think, all of this over FIVE pounds?!

Sometimes, when they say it's all in your head, they mean it.

Posted by hannah at 09:49 AM