September 22, 2006
Complicit
I feel like all I do is preach around these parts lately and I'm even exhausting myself. But on the other hand, nothing else feels as important. Who cares about my house or my nonexistent love life, or even my cute new puppy when there is so much work to do? So much shouting from the rooftops that must be done?
The other night, after I sobbed on the phone with my mother for an hour about the state of the world and the state of the church and why was I so burdened by all of this, she sent me an e-mail with just a bunch of scripture. God has already overcome the world, she said. All we can do is care for the little corner He has placed us in. (Which of course makes me question whether I'm in the correct corner, but that's an entirely different conversation.)
So all of that is to say that I'm trying to focus on the fact that He is, always has been and always will be, in control of it all. There has always been war and genocide and poverty, and I don't say that to imply that it's unimportant or because I feel like we shouldn't aim to eradicate those things, because I think we should. I say it because I can't fight with myself or with Him because these things will always exist. They are out there and they were there before me and they will be there after me. But, and this is a big but, so will He!
Many years ago, when I lived in Columbus and attended Joshua House, a Sunday night service at the Columbus Vineyard for young adults, the pastor's wife told a story about her wrestling relationship with God. She said that she was shaking her fist at him one night, so overcome with helplessness at the idea of starving babies and soldier children. Her anger was overwhelming. She cried out to Him, "Why do you let this happen?" and she heard back very clearly, Why do YOU?
That question has stuck with me ever since. Why do we let these things happen?
I watched Hotel Rwanda last week and it has haunted me ever since. I was in a bad mood for days afterward and there are several lines I can't get out of my head. Joaquin Phoenix plays a cameraman there to film the signing of the UN treaty between the Hutu president and the Tutsi rebels. The war breaks out while he is there and he and his boom operator sneak off the hotel grounds (against his reporter/director's orders) to film the fighting. When he shows the footage to his reporter, Don Cheadle's character sees it. Later, Joaquin's character apologizes to him that he had to see it, and Cheadle's character replies that he is grateful it was filmed, because now the world will see it and they will send help. Joaquin looks at him with a mixture of sadness and disbelief and says, "I think people will see it and say 'My god, that is horrible,' and then they'll go back to eating their dinners."
Which is exactly what happened.
It is in my nature to be self-righteous at times, as well as judgmental, and they're behaviors I struggle to keep reigned in, but sometimes I don't know how else to be when the answers are so clearly black and white.
What happened in the Gulf Coast was wrong. What happened in Rwanda was wrong. What is happening right now, as I sit here, in the Sudan and South Africa, is wrong. Our government's response to these atrocities is WRONG.
But this morning I spent $3.13 on a stupid Pumpkin Spice Latte when I could have given it to any number of the homeless I pass every day in downtown Atlanta and that was probably wrong too.
I have been giving serious thought to running for local office in 2008 - something I always knew I'd be good at but never really considered - and I can't believe I'm even throwing this out into the universe, but there it is.
People say that I'm idealistic and that this is just how our government works and you can't fight the power, but I believe that if you're not idealistic, if you accept a broken system, then you derserve the horrible output that system delivers. And none of us deserves an ineffectual government.
Both of Georgia's gubernatorial candidates are terrible choices. Right now the only stand either of them has taken in their campaign is the promise to enact stricter laws for repeat sexual offenders. Well, duh. Who doesn't want stricter laws for child molesters? That's a no brainier. Tell me what you're going to do about Peachcare. Tell me what you're going to do with the Hope Scholarship. Tell me how you're going to fix Atlanta's transit nightmare and why it's possible for schools in the same county to have such a chasm between them.
I just want someone to make a change. I just want someone, anyone, to stand up and point out that the emperor isn't wearing any clothes.
(Comments are still broken. Sorry! But you can always e-mail me at hannah [at] hannah beth [dot] com.)
Posted by hannah at 11:12 AM
