July 07, 2006
Light of the World
I leave in four days. My beautiful nephew, Michael Edward, was born yesterday and though this is a morbid thought, I am so glad he came before my departure, so that at least I would have seen his face, and known his name, if anything were to happen.
My dad sent an e-mail to his brothers and cousins alerting them to the birth of his first grandchild, and told them briefly about the man from whom Michael gets his middle name - my Uncle Ed, who was one of my maternal aunt's husbands. My dad wrote about Ed's WWII experience and how he went on to get his PhD and become well known in his field. At he end of the e-mail he wrote, "A name to be proud of, I think." Even recounting it now makes me cry because when you come from a fractured family, it's sometimes easy to forget that other relationships don't just cease to exist with divorce. That my dad would be pleased, and touched, that his son named his firstborn after his ex-wife's brother-in-law - I don't know how to explain it - it makes me happy and sad and proud, all at once.
I'm feeling really emotional lately and I know it's because the preparation for this trip has been so intense. I literally feel the prayers of hundreds surrounding me and it's awesome and humbling. Sometimes I don't feel like it's any big deal, and other times I feel so inadequate and scared. There's not only the fear of going somewhere you've never been and trusting in customs agents and airlines you've never heard of, but there's also the fear that I'm not good enough. Why in the world are they letting me go on this trip?? I'm hardly a good representation of anything, expect maybe a spoiled American. I've got that down.
But then I get an e-mail or a note or a check and it says, "We're proud of you," or "We're praying for you." Or I read and (reread) the amazing letter I got from my friend Melissa that talked about many things, like the gift of wisdom - a gift she saw in me that I never saw in myself. She wrote, "Human wisdom cannot teach the things of the Lord, instead we teach in words that are taught by the Spirit."
There is a song by Watermark that I've heard on the radio a lot recently, and I've begun thinking of it as my Romania song, my Romania prayer.
Jesus, light of the world
Shine on us, shine on us
Word of life, spoken for love
Breathe on us, breathe on us
Light of the world, King Jesus
God's beating heart, live through us
God's beating heart, live through us
God's beating heart, live through us
Light of the world, King Jesus
That is my only prayer - that His light be seen through me and that His word be breathed through me. I am not a teacher, but I can teach what He has shown me. I am not a wise leader, but I can share the wisdom He has made plain to me. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," Phillipians 4:13.
Posted by hannah at 05:22 PM
Have a great time in Romania, Hannah. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Also, congrats on the new nephew!
Posted by Brenda on July 10, 2006 01:26 PMCongratulations with the new little addition to your family!
I spent 6 months in Chile. When I left in July 2005, I thought I was going to die. Don't get me wrong - I was excited but I was also 20 years old and going by myself. My first flight ever (EVER!) was a 10 hour flight from Dallas, TX to Santiago, Chile. Those 6 months changed everything about me. The best place that you can be is having only God to hold on to.
The most important thing I learned is that it's not my itinerary . God will pull you aside when you think you should be in front and vice versa. You just have to let go and let God. You and your team are in my prayers.
