May 28, 2006
Let Go
Several months ago I wrote very briefly about how I was finally able to let go of the anger I felt towards my father. I thought about that entry today as Andy Stanley closed his series on what lurks in the Heart with a sermon on Anger.
Ephesians 4:26-27 "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
When we're angry at someone it's because we think they owe us something - they're indebted to us. But the problem with that, of course, is that the guilty party can never make the loss up to us. You can't get back a first marriage or a childhood or your freshman year of college. I can't go back to being a 12-year-old girl whose daddy lives in her house. It's impossible.
But I let go of my anger towards my father and I forgave him. I realized that my adult relationships were patterning themselves and I wasn't angry at any of those guys (well, not at the center of it anyway), but I kept trying to get other people to make it up to me, to pay me back for what was stolen from me. That was never going to happen. Intead, I let it go and I forgave. I cancelled the debt and I closed the book.
Today, as Andy spoke, I thought about Guy and I tried so hard not to cry. He is still so, so angry and I am desperate for him to forgive our father. For both of them, but even more importantly, for the son my brother is about to have. How can he enter into another father-son relationship when his heart is still so hard? But how do you ask someone to let go of their anger? How do you show them that they have to?
We all know the saying, "Don't go to bed angry," and while that is very sound advice, it's more important to stop being angry while you're awake too. Drop it off, and in a hurry, because there is nothing - nothing! - that will ruin your life faster than an angry spirit, a victim mentality, a hard heart. Even if you take God out of it; even if you don't think that you should forgive because you were forgiven, (which you were), forgiveness is still a pretty good idea.
It's hard - to let someone off the hook, so to speak, when you think that they Owe You, especially when it's something big that they took from you. But why would you let them take your whole life?
Posted by hannah at 04:31 PM
Maybe once he has had his son and he might realize that, as a father, he can only do his best and even with that, he can still fall short in the eyes of his child - that he can reach a place of forgiveness for your father. It is amazing the healing power of a grandchild and how it can make a once rocky relationship somewhat smoother. They will have another thing in common besides genes - they will both be fathers and that is a powerful thing.
Posted by Diane on May 29, 2006 10:00 AMI think you should show Guy this post and let it sink in for itself. Maybe it will help him examine his actions and feelings. And, shows how much you care.
Posted by Amity on May 30, 2006 02:21 PMI just recently learned how to forgive my father and move on and, as cliche and silly as it sounds, it's the most important thing I've ever done for myself, for my relationship with my husband, and for my children. My hate and my anger bled through into every other relationship in my life. Now, I am a much better person without it. Your brother will hopefully realize this, but it will have to be on his own terms, in his own time. I hope for him, and for your family that time is soon. Congrats to you on being able to let go.
Posted by RSM on May 31, 2006 07:29 PMI just happened upon your site, and this striking page about forgiveness and anger. For my entire life, the relationship with my mother (who is my adoptive mother), has been rocky at best. She also has serious substance abuse and addiction issues (once referred to as "a drinker," and "those nerve pills."
For the first time I realized that even though I am a ripe and vivacious 42, and have been working on things on my own, I allow her such a hold on me which I am forever trying to shake. Nor have I been able to forgive and let it all just go...
Yet, to see it can be done gives me a ton of hope. Thank you, and best wishes for your wonderful life!
Posted by Jennifer on June 1, 2006 11:32 AM
