February 08, 2006
Untouchable
My freshman year of college I was introduced to the artist Ani DiFranco - she is the perfect rebellious college girl music, full of angst and bitter love. My sophomore or junior year she released the album Dilate, which contains the song "Untouchable Face." It's funny that even now this song reminds me of Kim, but that's because it was the song we would quote to each other, full of outrage for the other when one of us got dumped or duped or just plain hurt.
"I could make you happy, if you weren't already."
When it pops up on my iPod shuffle, it whips me right back to being a 19-year-old girl - confused, searching, lonely a lot. "Dating" at Miami was a unique experience, and while I wouldn't change my choice of school or my time at college for anything, I sometimes wonder if those four years didn't change me, scar me, in some irreparable way.
My friend Catherine is married to a guy I went to school with, and she'll ask sometimes about date parties or going out, or if it was unusual that D didn't have a college "girlfriend," per se. And I give her the details or say that, no, it's not unusual. And yes, it was quite common for two people to just meet out at the bars and that be considering "dating." And yeah, we took a lot, a LOT, of crap that I wouldn't stand for now. But when you're in that bubble - isolated from the outside world, before cell phones, before the Internet, really, when you're 18 and the entire world feels like this campus and this town - you think that this is just the way it is. The way it always will be. You accept last minute invites to date parties, because maybe you're just in it for the t-shirt anyway, and you don't think much of it when someone knocks on your door at 2 a.m. and you dance this dangerous dance and a lot of the time you end up hurt, listening to Alanis or Ani, wishing you had the righteousness, the power to get what you deserve, what your heart really needs. You wish you had the power to curse his untouchable face.
Posted by hannah at 04:35 PM
Same story at Denidoo, babe. I wonder if it's not so much that it was endemic to our schools (although maybe because they were both "bubbles"), but endemic to that age. Actually, now that I think about it, I think the setting had an awful lot to do with it. I wonder if other folks who went to similar schools can report similar "dating" experiences?
Posted by Alison on February 8, 2006 09:34 PM"when someone knocks on your door at 2 a.m. and you dance this dangerous dance and a lot of the time you end up hurt, listening to Alanis or Ani, wishing you had the righteousness, the power to get what you deserve, what your heart really needs."
You have such a draw towards women, and you seem to think of nothing else. It is clear to read in your words Hannah--you should stop denying your own happiness.
YOU'RE HEART NEEDS ANOTHER WOMAN. One to be with, completely. You won't be happy until this happens for you.
Posted by Appalled on February 8, 2006 09:55 PM"and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much"
Ah, I remember that song. Above are my favorite lyrics...perfect for college, when I had no idea who I was, and NONE of the guys I "dated" did either.
Hannah, you should read "Smashed." It's a great book - obviously centered on drinking and alcohol, but there's a lot there about college, why we, as women, drink, self-esteem, etc. So so good. Makes me think of school.
Posted by Kim on February 9, 2006 08:37 AMAppalled, what is wrong with you? Seriously, were you dropped on your head as a child?
Hannah, I was very behind on the Ani thing, but my favorite was always "Fire Door," as "Untouchable" always made me more inclined to cry. Fire Door was poignant but also bouncy, it made me more hopeful for the next good thing to come along.
Posted by Coleen on February 9, 2006 10:48 AMappalled, you can keep going "somewhar@else" but I will also keep banning you. I know there's not a lot to do in Kentucky, but please try. Although, I will admit that you make me laugh.
Posted by Hannah on February 9, 2006 11:45 AMAppalled you're a sick motherfucker..lol. Leave her alone!
Posted by Aghast on February 10, 2006 02:58 AMHannah, I'll be your lesbian lover. I'd be honored (and I'm sure Douglas won't mind)!
Posted by Sarah Irish on February 10, 2006 10:04 AMHannah,
You can keep blocking me, but when does your site get the most comments? When I make the comments. So, whomever aghast is, teh use of curse words is not appropriate.
Now back to the discussion...Coleen, no more remarks abou that lump on my head.
Sarah Irish is looking for some nookie, why not indulge her? Videos would be appropriate.
Posted by Apppalled on February 13, 2006 09:34 AMDarling, you could at least make different crazy comments instead of spamming the same ones on separate entries.
Posted by Hannah on February 13, 2006 10:29 AMWell, stop banning me and I won't have to travel teh world to get to different ISP's.
Posted by The appaled on February 13, 2006 06:49 PM
