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February 22, 2006

Kingdom Come

"Kingdom Come"
Coldplay, X&Y

one.. two.
steal my heart, and hold my tongue
i feel my time, my time has come
let me in, unlock the door
i never felt this way before

and the wheels just keep on turning
the drummer begins to drum
i don't know which way i'm going
i don't know which way i've come.

hold my head, inside your hands
i need someone who understands
i need someone, someone who hears
for you i've waited all these years

for you i'd wait, till kingdom come
until my day, my day is done
and say you'll come, and set me free
just you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

in your tears, and in your blood
in your fire, and in your flood
i hear you laugh, i heard you sing
i wouldn't change a single thing

and the wheels just keep on turning
the drummers begin to drum
i don't know which way I'm going
i don't know what i'll become

for you'd i'd wait, till kingdom come
until my days, my days are done
say you'll come, and set me free
just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Last December my dad had an angiogram and subsequent angioplasty where he had two stents put into his heart. The night he called to tell me he was going in for the procedure was one of the worst nights of my life; to be so many miles away, unsure of what was going to happen, of being faced with my father's mortality in a way I'd never fully considered. After we hung up, and he'd told me not to worry and that he'd be fine, I dug around in my little jewelry box for a small white gold band. I found it surrounded by James Avery dangle rings that I will never again wear and plenty of chandelier earrings. It was my mother's original wedding band - the ring that my father slid onto her finger nearly 40 years earlier. Judy gave me the ring when I was in college, and at the time I didn't think much of it. I wore it sometimes because that's when I was into wearing a lot of silver rings and it went with my style. Until that night, however, I hadn't worn it for years, because it's clearly a wedding band, and it seemed sad, to wear a symbol of something that had been dead and broken for a long time. But that night, when I slid it onto my right hand ring finger, it made me feel closer to my father and I told myself I would wear it until I knew that he was okay. It's been about 15 months since that night, and I haven't taken it off.

The other night, over dinner, someone asked me about it, and I told him why I first put it on, but then explained that over the past year, the ring has turned into a symbol for something else. On March 20, 1965, when my parents vowed for better or for worse - when they vowed to forsake all others and cling only to each other - they meant those words. They loved each other once; of that I have no doubt. So I wear this ring to honor those vows because they are my legacy, my lifeblood.

But more than that I wear it as a promise to myself - a promise to wait for someone who has been waiting for me all these years. A promise to wait for the kind of love that could outlast a gold band, a fight, hurt feelings, toothpaste in the sink. A love, a lover, who would wait for me, till his days are done, till kingdom come.

Posted by hannah at 02:16 PM