November 03, 2005
Homesick
Sometimes I miss my family so much, it's exhausting. I have a good life here, and good friends, but there is no compensating for the safety and love of family. The last half of 2005 hasn't been easy. (Scratch that, it's been flat out hard.) Not for any particular reason, growing pains I guess, and being apart from them, from the only people in the world who care about me down to my soul, it's difficult.
The first year I lived in Atlanta, the year of waiting tables and job searching and empty pockets, I questioned my decision to up and quit my steady job and move 550 miles away. But even on days when I had to work a double and smelled like Ranch dressing and beer, I was still sure that I'd made the right choice. I felt a rock solid certainty that God had led me to this city at that time in my life. I believe that now too (most days), but there are moments when I wonder WHAT in the world I am doing all the way down here.
Sometimes I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do: I led a single life in a single-friendly city. I took risks and made friends and found a job and men to date. I joined organizations and branched out and learned new skills and tough lessons. I wouldn't trade the Atlanta friends I've made for anything, but a lot of the time I feel like I've done enough. I made good memories, filled some scrapbooks, and now I can go home.
It's weird to think of Ohio as my home, as most of the time I lived there I resisted it in full, but when I think of the land, of the soybean fields and white farm houses and the fact that even now, almost six years after his death, my Papa's caps are still hanging on the hat rack, I want to fall on my knees and crawl back.
I want to praise God for giving me such a family and beg His forgiveness for moving away from them.
But I know it's just a phase and that I'm tied here now - I own a house and I've finally, finally found a church I can call home. I would miss my friends terribly. But I still miss my mother more.
Posted by hannah at 02:18 PM
As an Ohio girl myself, I can identify Hannah. I love the idea of roots tracing back a century and the landscape is so unbelievably comforting to me in any sort of weather, including the grey winters. But Hotlanta is undeniably the place for a single girl out on the town. My Ohio born best friend actually lives there (she went to grad school at Emory) and I am floored by the social opportunities she has - even as a mother of three.
She comes to Ohio every June and visits with her family often. Atlanta is a great place to show visitors, I visit her often. Think of it as expanding you and your mother's horizons. The bond you have is unbreakable and the fun you are having is great.
Ohio is the best hometown ever. And I love that picture. And can I just say how extraordinarily hip those sunglasses are?
Posted by Lois on November 3, 2005 10:43 PM
