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October 11, 2005

Rock It

After a year plus of actively losing, and trying to lose, weight I think I have hit the proverbial wall. I just can’t think about it anymore. I would like to drink of a glass of orange juice and think of it as a just a beverage, not “three Points.” After the few (okay, like 8) pounds I regained in the early summer, I have stayed the same for about three months, which puts me right about where I was going into 2005. I’m okay with this, honest, because it means I’ve maintained a 35-pound loss for almost a year. Which means, to me, that those 35 pounds are gone forever. And that is a glorious, wonderful feeling.

But that ALSO means that, in a lot of ways, I have completely forgotten what it felt like to weigh 200+ pounds and be officially plus-sized. When my size 12s are tight and my bra feels funky and I swear my ass grew overnight, I forget that this is not the body I’ve been inhabiting for 30 years. I was much heavier, not too long ago, and I busted that I-promise-it-grows-overnight butt in order to get to the place where I can feel grumpy because my size MEDIUM top isn’t laying quite right. In some moments, I am the girl I used to hate.

Of course, by society’s standards, I am still Fat. My BMI is 26, which is considered “overweight” and I certainly can’t fit into half the clothes high-end department stores and boutiques carry, but I’m close to the point where I can’t really care all that much anymore.

I ran 10 miles on Saturday. I wore a bikini every day I was in Florida in August. My shoe size is smaller.

I’m not at Goal. It might take me another year to lose the final 15, 20, 25, however-many-I-decide pounds. So what. This is my body – mine, mine, mine. And from here on out, I’m gonna rock it.

Posted by hannah at 05:41 PM