I've told my friends about this page.
Hey, hi, how are you guys? I have no problem writing for strangers, but it
is strange knowing that people I actually know are going to be reading this.
So, that out of the way. . . .
I've had pets my entire life. Sugar and
Chandelle were my parents' children long before my brother and I came along.
(And believe me, not a moment went by when Sugar didn't remind us of that
fact. . . .)
The dogs were great and all, but I ached for a cat. In 1981 I finally got
my way. (You'll start to see a pattern here, I'm sure.) My parents drove me
to the "country" (actually some lady who lived on the edge of our
suburb) and I got to pick out a kitten. I still remember the way her little
wet nose felt on my hand and how she climbed right onto my shoulder without
a moment's hesitation. My mom warned me about picking the runt, but there
was no persuading me. The kitten slept between my brother and I in the backseat
all the way home, so safe with us. Trusting. In love. She was mine. I loved
that cat. But the place Sweetie Pie held over my girlhood heart is a blip
compared to the way I feel about Tego.
Since I did grow up with pets, it seemed
totally natural to get a dog upon graduation. My parents, especially my mother,
was horrified. (But really, does this look like the voice of reason?) She
thought I had taken on a horrible burden and that this animal was nothing
but bad news.
She was wrong, but I admit to fleeting
moments when I thought about taking Tego back. How much easier it would be.
But I was too selfish to do it. There's no way I could've let her go, even
if at times she might have been better off somewhere else.
It scares me how much I love this dog. How it's hard to drop her off at the
groomer's, or even to stay with my mom when I go out of town. How in the world
am I going to handle a child? Being separated from her? Letting her go in
a world that doesn't care about her? A world that might use her up and spit
her out? Where does the line blur from love into fear?
Maybe this is just a big, fat sign that
I'm not ready for parenthood (well, duh), but it's also made me set a whole
new standard to my already long list of Features the Future Mr. Hannah Must
Have. There's no way I could ever marry a guy who has no experience with pets.
He doesn't necessarily have to have one, but he damn well have better had
one at some point in his life, or at least had a lot of contact with them.
Dogs are messy. They take a drink and
slop water everywhere, they get hair on everything, they roll around in things
you don't even wanna hear about. They bark. Incessantly. Sometimes at nothing
and usually during the best part of the movie or right as you drift off to
sleep. If you can't handle that, how are you going to handle dirty diapers
and crying binges and fevers and tantrums? It's hard and I don't want to do
it alone.
This is a test. And failing's not an option.
Updates:
The date was good. The movie
was better.
He's very sweet and we never lack as far
as conversation goes and I feel nervous around him and those are all good
signs. (Plus I asked him if he'd thought about getting a dog, and he said
he wants one but he's just waiting till Spring. Bonus points for thinking
it through. . . .) But I'm not super attracted to him and he's shorter than
me. And yes, I know that shouldn't matter, but it does. If you're not a tall
girl, you wouldn't understand. And if you are a tall girl you totally get
me. I've dated guys shorter than me, and I've dated guys shorter and smaller
than me, and it's always on the back of my mind. And it's usually on the front
of theirs. But I'm probably jumping the gun since he's either extremely old-fashioned
or wasn't thinking of these as dates at all. I'm gonna go with the former
- because I'm an optimist and because I want to.
I found my way back to Squishy!
Pamie rules and resubmitted my request
for my password, and Yahoo! decided to stop being in cahoots with Beezlebub
and miraculously sent the email through. I got it and I'm all happy with Squishy
love again. I'm sure you were all as concerned as I was.
