Oh? Can I sit on your lap? Thanks. Thanks thanks thanks! So then the squirrel ran up the tree. Way way way up. But I was gonna get her and then we were gonna plaaaaaay. Play play play!

Oh, wait I forgot this part. I had to run around the tree five times. Five times. Because if you just go around once you might forget why you’re there and you can’t forget you can’t forget. You have to get the squirrel. Get the squirrel! She’s up up up the tree!

She had a tail like mine. Do you like my tail? I got it cut the other day. I don’t like getting my hair cut. Oh! But they give me treats and I get to see other doggies. And we talk. Talk talk talk! The only doggies I usually see are the Big Blonde Ones. I love them. They give me Pupperoni. I love Pupperoni. Pupperoni!

You know what I’m gonna do today? I’m gonna sit and look out the front window. All day. All day! I see a postman and I bark! Bark! Bark! I see another dog and I bark! Bark! Bark! I see a car and I bark! Bark! Bark! But they never come in and play. Play!

I love to play. But mostly I love to run. I run so fast. Catch me if you can! The big dogs like to chase me but I run so fast they never can. I run so fast! Like the wind, I run. I like the wind. It makes my face go like this. And then I pant pant pant. And then I ruuuuun! And then I pant pant pant. And.Then.I. Ruuuuuuuun.

We go to the park! I know when we’re gonna go because a Big Blonde One puts on her furry outer warming thing. And then she grabs the rope that keeps us connected. And she puts in on! And then I ruuuun and then, snap! I ran too far! Can only go so far! But I pull and I run in front of her and she keeps me safe. Keep me safe from the car! Keep me safe from the big dogs!

And when we get to the big grassy heaven she disconnects us and I ruuuuun! Other dogs! Lots of doggies! Let’s ruuuun! Oops, can’t run too far away from Big Blonde One. She keeps me safe! Keep me safe! I run back to her. Still there! Run away! Run run run away!

Oooh, and I find stuff on the ground and I GET it. I get it and I hide it in my mouth and she tries to get it out and I grrrrrrowl. Mine! Mine! Mine! Not yours! Mine mine mine! But then I get a treat! She gets what I found, but I get a treat! Treat! Treat! Treat!

Ooooh, that feels good. Yeah, pet me right there. Aren’t I so soft? I’m the prettiest girl in the world. My first Big Blonde One says I’m the prettiest there is. She rocks me and kisses me and I lick her hand. Her hand tastes good. But not as good as peanut butter! Do you like peanut butter? Peanut Butter!

I lick, lick, lick. And my tongue tastes like peanut butter! And yup yup yup! First Big Blonde One puts in it my Kong! My Kong!! Where is it? Gotta go find it!

Here it is! Let’s attack it. Grrrrrr, Barkkong! Shake my tail. Tail shakin’. Barkkong!

What? You don’t wanna play right now? Okay. Okay okay okay.

IIIIIIIIII’m gonna run! Run run run! And then I’m gonna JUMP on you! On you! On you!

Jump on you!

Sigh.

I’m tired now. Are you tired? Tired! Tired! Tired! I’m gonna sit, riiiight here. Right on your feet so you can’t move. Don’t leave! Can’t leave! Let’s nap. Nap! Nap! Nap!

You don’t mind that I snore, do you?