Here I Am to Worship
“I live to worship You. Here I am, worshiping You. With all I am, worshiping You.” Deluge, “Worshiping You”
I recently took a spiritual growth assessment called Monvee that aims to help you learn what kind of learner you are, how you connect with God, as well as your personality type.
There are many ways people connect with God—being in his creation, Bible study, intellect, prayer, serving others. And worship. It came as no surprise to me that my pathway is worship, as many of the most memorable, defining moments in my relationship with God have occurred when I am worshiping him.
“Our God is greater. Our God is stronger. God, you are higher than any other.” Chris Tomlin, “Our God”
When I was still on my road back to Him, I would occasionally attend service at a Vineyard church in Columbus, Ohio. One Sunday they sang what I know now is a Third Day song (and I can’t even remember the song, so that should tell you that it’s not about the lyrics or the melody, it’s about the connection), and I was so overcome that I had to sit down sobbing in my chair. I was embarrassed and, honestly, scared. I wasn’t ready to give up my life—the parties, friends, relationships, habits that I knew I’d have to walk away from if I went back to Him.
“No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know, could keep us from Your love. No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough to keep us from your love. How high, how wide, no matter where I am, healing is in Your hands.” — Christy Nockels, “Healing is in Your Hands”
And I will never forget Passion ‘07, what that was like to worship with almost 20,000 other believers. An itty bitty glimpse of what Heaven will be like. During a break on one of those days, I mentioned to Lauren that when I closed my eyes, I saw all of us standing on a beach underneath a huge blue sky singing up to Him. (Probably because the ocean is the place where I feel God’s might the most. I have stood in the waves on many beaches and sang songs to him.) And then she said that she saw us before the throne, but it was so massive and mighty that even 20,000 strong, we were like a teeny, tiny finger touching the smallest, minute bit of His throne. And I see that behind my eyes now too, sometimes, millions of us on bended knee singing songs of love to our maker.
But there are drawbacks to the worship pathway that I have to be on guard against. Monvee mentioned that often worshipers can be judgmental of others who aren’t on this pathway as being less spiritual, and I have certainly been guilty of that. Minnesotans are not an exuberant bunch. They’re nice and friendly, oh yeah, but you want me to put my hands up? Uh, no. So often, I am one of only a handful of people in a 1,000+ congregation with arms raised. It used to bother me, like, don’t they know Who we’re worshiping? But as I’ve matured in my faith, I’ve learned that not everyone connects with God in the same way. (Duh, right?) So I just do what I do!
Another drawback that I have to guard against is seeking the experience and of making it about me. If you listen enough, you’ll find that there are a lot of “worship” songs that are really just boastful tunes about one’s self. So I guard against that— against making it about me. It’s about Him. Worship, at its core definition, is about making much of Him.
One of my coworker’s pathways is intellect, which I find incredibly interesting, as it was my intellect that kept me separated from Him for so long. I couldn’t get past my questions, my disbelief. But mostly, I couldn’t get past my pride. When you have the gift of knowledge, it’s easy to think you know it all and therefore don’t need anyone to tell you anything. I stumbled over that backwards knowledge for too many years, I regret to say. Because what I wasn’t getting was that. . . He gave it to me! The things that I know just because I know them? From Him. My drive to know more, learn more, understand more? A gift from Him. He gave it to me to do Kingdom work. And I wasted it for many years, thinking it was because of my own brain, my own self, my OWN smartypantsness that I knew things. Pride, pride, pride. Ugly pride.
“My God’s not dead, He’s surely alive, He’s living on the inside roaring like a lion,” David Crowder Band, “Like a Lion”
(If you think you’re on the worship pathway as well, and you’re in search of new worship music or vehicles to worship Him, I recommend going to YouTube and searching for Hillsong London, Hillsong United, Chris Tomlin or Passion: Awakening.)
Almost Finished — Foto Friday
Oh, we’re close now, y’all!
For Better — Wedded Wednesday
The card that was with my Valentine’s flowers: Johanna, Thank you for being such a wonderful wife. In the chili of life, you are my Fritos and cheese—the perfect addition. You are a truly giving and loving person. I am very lucky to have you!
The other day I read a blog post by a single, Christian woman asking if she was “missing something” about marriage. That so many of her married Christian friends just talked about how HARD marriage was—how much work, sacrifice, etc. it was. “Am I missing something?” she asked. “Isn’t marriage supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church. . .? Shouldn’t it be, you know, sort of great?”
It was a “duh” moment for me.
Maybe in my attempt to paint a true picture, to be sensitive to my single friends, I’ve actually done a disservice.
So let me just set the record straight—marriage is great. It’s pretty awesome, actually. To be partnered with someone who is FOR you, is a gift, a balm, a solace, a wonder. Getting to spend time with your favorite person—doing life with someone who knows you and loves you anyway—it doesn’t get better.
This past weekend Aaron and I ran a bunch of errands (moving in two weeks!) and did chores and packed boxes and argued over how many DVDs to keep, and we had a fantastic time doing it. I remember that Teri once told me that it’s important to find someone you can just have fun going to Home Depot with, because that’s a lot of what marriage is—the day to day, mundane stuff. If you can have fun doing all the chores of life with your spouse, you’re going to have a happier life, an easier marriage.
So yes, it’s work. Yes, it can be hard. But yes, it’s worth it. Yes, it’s great. Yes, it’s a miracle.
House Update IV
Things are moving right along! This week the entire interior was painted, and all of the non-carpet flooring was put down. The hardwoods downstairs . . .
The flooring in both the laundry room and the mudroom is vinyl composite tile (VCT). It’s pretty much exactly what they put in the model, and I liked it so much that I picked the same thing for us! (The hallway bathroom floor is also VCT, only just the buff-colored tiles instead of the checkered.)
The lighting fixtures are mostly all in too.
The bathroom cabinets are stained/painted and the hardware is installed. The counters and sinks were installed this week too. Just need fixtures now!
All that’s left now is to finish the tile in the bathroom and around the fireplace, put in the remaining light fixtures and bathroom fixtures and lay the carpet! Oh, and a few other exterior things like the steps off the porch and the stone work. They’ll paint the exterior and pour our driveway and sidewalk after we close. (Probably in May sometime.)
We move in two weeks from today! I can’t believe it got here so fast. Everyone said that building a house would be stressful and crazy, but I have to say, so far (SO.FAR), it’s been pretty great. It’s such a trip to see it go up, from a hole in the ground to the framing to the drywalling to the a real actual house. It’s awesome.
I Must Confess
I have a confession to make. I realized on my drive home tonight that it’s time. It’s time I just say it out loud.
I really like living in Minnesota. In fact, it may be my favorite place of residence to date.
I know.
Despite its dearth of good Mexican food and the four to five months of winter, it’s a pretty nice place to live. The people are nice. Having four distinct seasons is nice. (There is no better summer than summer in Minnesota.) The downtown is clean and there are parks and theatres and things like CHEESE CURDS. I mean, we have a lake in our backyard. It’s pretty great.
I loved Atlanta. I love it still. I grew up there, in a way. God drew me there to draw me back to him. I felt at home there. But not because of the city or the location, but because I was connected. It was the best place for me at the best time of my life. But it wasn’t my forever city. And while there was a time that I thought that it was, I realize now that it was never meant to be.
Also, it could be a frustrating place to live. The traffic. The smog. (The traffic.) The city infrastructure is falling apart. There are failing sewers and horrible schools. I mean, it’s no peach, really.
It’s different here. There’s so much beauty—rivers, lakes, green spaces, big open sky. Wide sidewalks and open fields. It speaks to the farmer’s granddaughter in me. And now that we have a church, I’m in a job that I love and I’m slowly making friends of my own here, well, I feel like Whitney Houston who can finally exhale.
And in two weeks when we move into the house that we built from the ground up (not literally, obvs), I’ll really, truly, finally, be home.
keep looking »-
Compassion
