14
February 2003
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I just couldn't do the Where entry. Which is not to say that there haven't been any interesting places, because maybe there have been, but you know, maybe there haven't. I've never done it in a plane and I've never done it on a train. Besides, I never found the Where nearly as interesting as the Who and certainly not as interesting as the Why. It's probably too easy to say "I don't know why I love," even if it is an accurate gut response. Because it's not really something you think about, it's just something that you do. I love because it's part of who I am. I fall easily and deeply with many people and many things. It's the reason I have great friendships and it's the reason just petting Montego can brighten my day. I love because I am loved greatly in return. Sometimes the love I receive makes me feel unworthy and ungrateful. I could never possibly fully describe the way my mother's love makes me feel. You'll never convince me that anyone's mom loves them as much as mine loves me, even if intellectually I know that it's true. And because I've been given that gift, I can love in return. Loving someone romantically is a trickier question. After all, why love when it leads to hurt and pain. It would be easy for me, and I think somewhat justified, to be petulant about it and quote P!nk and say "I don't want love to destroy me, like it did my family." My history with that kind of love is darker and wholly unsuccessful. Part of me could live with eschewing it all together. But the greater part of me, the part of me that actually wants a fulfilled and satisfied future, would never do that. Pursuing love is a choice. Making it last is a choice. Not letting it, or rather the lack of it, destroy me is a choice. So I love not only because I can, or because I have to, but because I want to.
The notify just loves love.
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