thank god for 26

My birthday is in less than three weeks, and the weird thing is, I don't really care. Except that I'm really ready to throw off the shackles of being 25. Damn, this has been a hard year.

I'm sure I've written about my Age Theory before, and I'm sure you all thinks it's crazy talk every time I mention it, but it's a proven theory nonetheless - my even numbered ages are just better than the odd. (And also, since my birthday is in the summer, I was always one age for an entire grade. Meaning I didn't start out 4th grade as a 9-year-old and turn 10, I was just nine the entire year. So for me, it's easy to associate one age with one school year.)

It all started when I turned 11, as that was the first year of my dad being gone. It just sort of played itself out after that.

13 was 8th grade, and is there any harder age than 13? Maybe 105 or something, but otherwise, no. Your body is all whacked out and boys are mean and stupid and there are days when you forget to wear a bra or put pads in your Liz Claiborne and then it's just all over from there. Your best friends one minute and then the next you're giving her back your half of your James Avery Best Friends charm necklace but then when you finish up junior high you're all nostalgic and suddenly you're best friends again, and you go to the 8th grade dance together (because back in 1990 junior high kids didn't take dates), but you know you'll never see that half of the heart with St Ends on it again.

Then you turn 14 and your braces come off and you start high school and you make color guard and you become friends with older girls and they drive you home after school in their CARS and high school is so fun because there are football games and color guard practice and new boys from all the other junior high schools and they didn't know that last year your perm was still growing out.

Then you turn 15 and you realize that while high school is fun, it's still school and you get kicked out of honors Geometry after one grading session because you just can't grasp the concept of whatever geometry is and you don't have lunch with any of your friends, and GOD the new color guard flag captain is such a bitch and sometimes you still forget to pack pads and you can't ask anyone for one because they all use tampons but tampons scare you and why doesn't Tommy like you? You have to take Chemistry and it's way over in the Freshman highrise and the only bright spot is that your teacher is a never-married 40something Baptist and supposedly at the end of every year he admits that he's still a virgin and gives a speech on waiting till marriage, and mayn, you thought that was just a rumor but how embarrassing and uncomfortable. Plus you get kicked out of honors English at the very end of the year and have to sit through one six week session of regular English and you want to stab yourself because it's so boring and no one participates in discussion and you'll never make National Honor Society now.

But before you know it the clouds part and you're Sweet 16 and you actually get a car for your birthday, but not just any car, the car you actually wanted and it's blue and it has a sunroof and you love it so much all you want to do is drive around and listen to the radio, and you don't care that you agreed to give practically everyone a ride to school because you get to drive! And school starts and you're finally an upperclassman and you're back in all your Honors classes and you have English with your best friend and Dan Rather's sister is your teacher and she's so great and all the annoying girls dropped out of Color Guard and that year you go to Nationals.

17, as it should be, is a mixed bag. You get your first kiss and start testing your physical boundaries and the attention is nice, but you know, your heart kind of takes a beating and you start your first job and it's fun for awhile and you meet lots of kids from other high schools but then you know, it's a job and you have to go straight there and change in the bathroom and you really don't need those free donuts the girl in the bakery gives you and there's college pressure and the SAT and ACT and filling out applications and figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your LIFE and then there's the whole prom thing and no one asks you and you realize that you didn't go to one single school dance and now you never will and graduation is looming but you still have to take tests and you realize, hey, this is tough, so I'll just hang out with the stoners and find out what that's like and it's okay but you're always paranoid (duh, right) and you gain weight because you're going to JoJo's every night and you have to pack up your entire LIFE because you're moving to another state at the end of the Summer and what if you don't want to leave Texas and all your friends and the only house you've ever lived in and your dad, and damn, maybe you should've gone to UT.

But then you turn 18 and become a legal adult and then when the move really happens you realize that yeah, it's hard, but everything's new and you move into this cool dorm room and look at all these fun people and classes are so amazing and you buy Miami T-shirts and go to football games and meet new friends at every turn and all these boys want to give you beer and kiss you and sure there's that low point when your roommate, your favorite person there, transfers to Michigan and you get a new roommate when you'd really wanted a single and she's CRAZY but that mostly makes for good stories so you're okay with it and then Spring comes and despite your dismal grades first semester you do really well second and you feel like this is your new home and these people are your new life and it's amazing.

19 starts out okay while you're in Texas but you're working every day and the guys who work at your gym ask you to go out with them but you can't because you don't have a fake, so you get a fake and spend $60 on it but then you never use it, so that was a waste and you're so excited to come back to school but being a sophomore is tough because nothing's new anymore but you still don't really know where you belong and it's hard living in a little room with a good friend, even though you love her so much and you have really big highs but that means the lows are also ROCK BOTTOM and you fail Geography because you couldn't get up at 8 a.m. and so you have to go to summer school to make up the hours. And you can't believe that guys can really be such assholes and they're not just doing it to you but all your friends and what the f is up with that?

And then Summer's here again and you turn 20 and you realize you're not a teenager anymore and that's a pretty heady thing and that year you live off-campus and your mom gets remarried and it's amazing and you meet a boy like the second weekend there and he's a Beta and you like him so much and he's so sweet but then he gets weird but it's okay because you meet another boy and you go see The Wallflowers together and you realize, wow - this is a date, and you fall in love and go to formals and he's really really your boyfriend and you celebrate your anniversary every month and sometimes it sucks and you fight and cry and listen to too much Ani but he's your boyfriend! And you love him and you love college and you make Dean's List both semesters and you get to have your car at school and hey, you even land an internship in Washington D.C. working on the Hill and everyone is so proud of you and you get to spend six weeks in D.C. and it's just the most amazing time in your life and your boyfriend's family lives there and you get to meet them and you think, wow, I love my life.

Then 21 comes along and it's much like you're 17 all over again - trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, testing your boundaries with men, getting ready to leave behind this amazing place full of amazing people you love and you're scared and you break up with your boyfriend because you're dumb and you cheat on him and you spend an entire year trying to figure THAT one out and there are high spots like Mardi Gras and Spring Break, but mostly you're just trying to land interviews and wrap up your majors and you're not getting along with your third roommate and it becomes all weird and that sucks because you all thought you'd be friends forever and then it's suddenly graduation except you're only walking because you have to take summer school again because you're short hours due to the classes you dropped that year and your parents are PISSED.

But finally you're 22 and you're a college graduate and you have a real job with a real paycheck and you live totally on your own, without help from your parents, and you buy your first car, and while you were sad to get rid of the blue Acura, you're pretty stoked to have something with a/c and you also finally get to have a dog and you really love this new place you're in: nice apartment, good job, you're dating nice guys and you have new friends.

23 isn't much different, except paying bills and living on your own has sort of lost its gleam and you're not that happy in your job anymore and you haven't dated anyone in like a year and you ring in the new millennium totally by yourself at a friend's party where everyone else is coupled and you and your roommate aren't really getting along, in fact you rarely speak, but things start to look up towards the end of 23 when you get promoted to the job you'd always wanted and you move into a kick ass house with a new roommate.

Then you're 24 and you have more of a hold on taking care of yourself and not only do you get to go on a kick ass vacation with your best friend, but you start traveling for work and you go to Los Angeles and the Florida Keys and that Fall you go tailgating for practically every Ohio State football game and you really love your house and your roommate and everything is fun. Then you and a group of friends decide to go to Spain that Spring and then right after you get back you go to Austin for work and you have the best time and then you fall in love and he's just the best thing to ever happen to you, even if it is long distance, and you realize that your life is really amazing and you're truly blessed and you ring in the next chapter of your life with a birthday bash in Vegas.

Then 25 is really here and it's okay for awhile but then you get your heart stomped on and love is harder than you thought it would be but you work it out and then you and your roommate get your own apartments and you're lonely a lot of the time and you live way out in the suburbs and miss living in town and a bunch of terrorists decide to set the world on fire and work is just absolutely miserable and you realize if you have to spend another winter in this city you've grown to hate that you'll just die, so you up and quit your job. And somewhere in all this you get your heart stomped on again, so you're trying to get over that while at the same time prepare to move to a new city. Somehow you do it and while it's all exciting, it's also really hard and sometimes you wonder what you've done and how will everything work out.

So I'm ready to put this year to bed and start new with 26, preferably with a job and a good party. I only foresee good things happening. That's what my theory tells me, anyway.

The notify mourns my unemployment.

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