26 February 2002
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So I've had time to sort of adjust to this major change I've undertaken and I have to say, it still doesn't feel quite real. I almost feel like I've pressed pause on my life and I'm just looking around, breathing deep and waiting for the right time to press play. What I have to keep reminding myself is that everyone else's lives are still going on normally. That's easy to forget when you just spent the entire day snuggled on your couch watching it snow like crazy. I am working my two weeks, but I also don't get paid for my sick days, so bet your Buck Rogers I'm using those up. Today I ventured out to Blockbuster to use the $20 gift card sweet Hannah sent me and other than dog walking time that was the only trip outside. Understandably though, as the weather is a bit treacherous. I rented Hardball (I'm a sucker for underdog sports movie involving kids. Mighty Ducks? Yes please) and Rushmore (somehow the guy suckered me into joining Blockbuster Rewards program) and also managed to get in some quality TLC viewing and three, yes three, episodes of Buffy. But it's not like my day was wholly unproductive. I made some networking calls and emails and balanced my checkbook. You can start calling me Ms. Gettin'-it-done. My goal for now is to try and get some freelance work and, if I have to, supplement my income waiting tables. I really loved being a server and sort of miss it. I certainly miss walking out after a long night's work with a fistful of cash. You learn to miss that pretty fast. So we'll see. The challenge right now being I'm not entirely certain how to GET freelance stuff, so if you have any tips or ideas, don't be shy. I don't know why I've been so lax in writing. I mean, besides the whole my-life-is-in-dissary misery weighing down on me. But I have to say that starting yesterday I've begun feeling very hopeful. My coworkers have all been amazingly supportive of my decision and people are coming out of the woodwork with names and contacts for me. That makes me feel really good and really cements that I made the right choice. Of course, I haven't told my dad or brother yet, and I'm really dreading what they'll say about it. At my college graduation G handed me a card with a Wal-Mart application in it, since I didn't have a job yet. So it should go without saying that I don't want to hear what he'll have to say about me quitting a job without anything lined up. The weirdest thing about it is this whole state of limbo. My mom was telling me about fares she'd found to New Orleans for T's wedding, as we were planning on flying together, and I had to tell her to go ahead and just book hers, because I don't know where I'll be come May. That's a pretty scary place to be. And Mo and some of our guy friends are heading off to Vegas at the end of the month and I can't go. (And y'all know how much I love Vegas. And Mo and I? Together? IN Vegas? Do you realize how this kills me?) Because not only will I possibly be flat out broke and totally unemployed, there's a chance I won't even be in Columbus. How freaking weird and scary is THAT? To think that a month from now I could be living in an entirely different city? I'm sure y'all are all like - yeah, H, we get it. Limbo land. Very scary. But my life has always just sort of fallen into place (in retrospect) and for once I'm making a very off the wall choice to throw a wrench into things. That makes me simultaneously incredibly proud of myself and totally wigged. And lucky y'all get to
watch as it all (hopefully) pans out. The notify wants you. And the forum wants you too, fool.
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