25
August 2002
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I'm really starting to think that I'm inherently unhireable. I had two interviews earlier this month with a small marketing firm and then the position fell through. The duties that I was qualified for, and what gave me an edge, went away. So needless to say, I didn't get the job. And let me tell you, five months of unemployment can really make you question your decisions. Losing a job is a lot like a going through a breakup, but because I was going through an actual breakup when I left the Brand, I didn't have time to mourn both losses simultaneously. Maybe that's why I'm still raw about the whole thing. I still haven't been able to go into a store and I got really pissed (and hurt) when I flipped through the Fall catalog and noticed that it was just my work recycled. I don't know why I still let it all bother me. They're now on their second copywriter since I left (second!) and the same bad management style that pushed me out the door is still in full effect. Nothing's changed, and I know that I'm free of all that now, but it still gets to me. I just miss it sometimes. I miss my old friends, the camaraderie, the work, all of it. When your job is also a lifestyle, I guess it takes longer to sort it all out of your system. Sometimes I can taste the Ohio fall and the way the campus would look splattered in reds and golds and how Liv, sjk and I would wrap ourselves up in our pea coats and walk through the leaves to the cafe for coffee and Hershey's Kisses. And when I get all upset about it or wonder if I made the right choice I just have to take a quiet minute and remind myself that I was so miserable my last few months there. Everyone saw it and I'm sure that my work suffered. I don't doubt nor do I deny that. I started coming in later and leaving earlier. I'd lost my passion, and when the company you work for values passion for the Brand above almost all else, that's a problem. But I know that I did make the right choice - Atlanta is where I'm supposed to be. I know this and don't doubt it (often). I feel a calm certainty about it all sometimes, and I know that in the big scheme of things an extended summer 'vacation' is meaningless. I just get impatient and want the reason for my being here to come to fruition. I just want God to email me and spell it all out for me and I hope He hurries. Let's hope He has DSL.
The notify is tired of hearing about it.
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