24 October 2001
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Leaves flew past my windshield like a mini tornado. Alone on the exit ramp, my car finding its way home on the black road, I prayed out loud. "Just get me home Lord. Just get me home." I gripped the steering wheel and leaned forward to keep a better eye on the road. Heavy sheets of rain whipped across the freeway and I could see the wind. My hands shook. By the time I got home I was shaken but it's amazing how safe you can feel when you're able to close the door on wailing wind and pounding rain. The thunderstorm warning and tornado watch have now expired but the talking heads on the news drone on. Location reporters show photographs of fallen trees and wet streets. Columbus is safe for another night. I baby-sat the Little Peep this evening, relieving my stepfather who wasted no time putting on his hat and kissing his grandson good-bye. That baby is no doubt his father's son and as my stepfather was leaving I told el peepito that his goal was just to break 5'8". Grandpa shot back, "I'll be happy as long as he breaks 5'6"!" The Peep and I practiced sitting up and I made up a theme song for him. It sounded uncannily like Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog. The "duh nuh duh" made Sean smile and stick out his tongue. The newness of him never fails to amaze me. Even in the midst of chaos a baby still has to learn what his feet are. What will he become? What will he do? His world is limitless right now and as I felt the smoothness of his belly and caressed the perfection of his cheek it struck me how utterly infinite his life is. He hasn't made any mistakes yet. He has no regrets. As I rocked him I flashed to the day when I'll be able to embarrass him in front of girls by telling him that I used to change his diaper. Then it made me wonder about the men that I have loved. Who changed their diapers and rocked them to sleep? Did those aunties dream of endless futures for the babies they loved? It is a strange time to be alive right now, no doubt. But I feel as though I'm standing still and the world is whipping, like leaves in a storm, around me. I'm centered, while the storm rages outside of me, and the funnel dips down and touches people I love. If I stretch my arms out, will they be long enough to reach them? Since 9/11, it seemed as if the world had shrunk. We are all New Yorkers, the signs say. We're United. Americans. Whatever happens there, happens here. And on they go. But then things happen and the world doesn't seem so small after all. Right now Birmingham, Alabama feels a million miles away. It might as well be, because my arms aren't long enough to reach. But though my body is here, my heart has been with Allison and my thoughts have certainly anchored themselves in sweet Alabama. Except for this afternoon, when at 1:24 EST, Mo's nephew, Noah Jason, came roaring into our worlds. And on it goes.
The notify is the place to be.
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