11 October 2001
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Argh, I can't believe Survivor sucked me back in again! I wasn't going to watch it this year. I was going to stay loyal to my Friends and make myself immune to tribal council. Didn't happen. Was anyone else really uncomfortable when the goat farmer was ripping Clarence a new one? I half expected the old guy to call him "Boy." It made me feel icky. And yeah, I don't think the military would shoot you for opening a can of beans without authorization. Anyway, enough about that. We have weeks of it ahead of us. I get really into this shows. Exhibit A: Love Cruise. Journalcon is this weekend, and I'm sort of bummed that I decided not to go. AB is making all these fun gifts and I wanna get fun gifts. And make fun gifts! But she's off to be the MATH + 1 ambassador, and when she drunk dials me, I'll be there in spirit. (Just like I've been there in spirit at several Hard Lucy shows and at the Lucinda concert last month.) But as I was feeling all like, man, why didn't I go, I got a phone call from my friend Kara, who's coming into town for the football game on Saturday. See! So it's a good thing I'll be here. I'm scattershot today, like usual it seems lately. I don't want to be afraid, but I am. There have been two separate reports of a mysterious "white powder" arriving through the mail in Columbus. The anthrax is some scary stuff. And while saying "the anthrax" is funny, calling in fake threats and sending flour or whatEVER it is that people are mailing, is not. So if you're doing that, quit it. All of it, it's all scary and I don't know what to make of it. Part of me wants to hunker down in my bathtub and pull couch cushions over myself for protection from an imminent tornado of terrorism. But I can't live like that, none of us can. But words of WAR tumble about in my ears, and red lights flash in the black Afghanistan sky. In the forum today, Slickery mentioned that part of her wants to run back into a church and cling to what she instinctively knows. I've read all of the Left Behind books, and I have to admit, when all of this started, I thought of it. You know, the "end times." This will sound crazy, but sometimes, when I call my mom's and no one answers, I think maybe they've been raptured. As long as she's around, I know it hasn't happened yet. Because really, I think I'm probably on His "maybe" list. I wrote for a long time in my private journal tonight, as President Bush held his televised press conference, about fear and how it's invaded my life. I booked a flight today and while I know it's the safest time to fly and all of my friends have safely flown, some of them more than once, since the 11th, I still get a little woozy at the thought of getting on a plane. Since I took my first flight at seven weeks, I never really gave much thought to the whole "mystery" of flying until fairly recently. Then one day it just hit me - how these silver beasts, full of people - mommies, daddies, lovers, me - shouldn't just be gliding through the atmosphere. It's not natural. So I have a little routine; on takeoff I say the Lord's Prayer over and over until we hit cruising altitude, then I relax. Because you know, most crashes occur on takeoff or landing. Little did I know I really had to start worrying about the time between the Fasten Seatbelt Sign being lit. But I'm thankful for President Bush right now. I need someone to just pat my hand and tell me I'm being silly and that everything that can be done is being done. He's very fatherly to me right now. I need him. Oh, and on another random note, I loathe, hate, despise dial-up. For some reason, I keep getting knocked off. I don't have call waiting, so that ain't it. But see, what had happened was, is that I am cheap. (Although the contents of my closest and DVD collection would beg to differ.) So, no DSL for me. Remember when I used to write coherent entries that told a story? Sometimes they were even funny. Hey! I said sometimes. (And actually, I did start something at work this morning after Jessamyn's latest inspired me. Really, this entry is all Survivor's fault.)
The notify is right here if you want to sign up. Go on, you know you do! You do!
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